Dear Diary
I’ve been reading Kafka for english class. It’s got me wondering when MY metamorphosis is coming. No matter how nice I act, no matter how good I do in school, I feel like nothing has been getting better. I think I need to do something different.
The school bell rings. Lunch time. Now’s my chance. I see Heather M. and Heather C. strut towards their usual lunch table, with Heather D. following closely behind. The stage is set. I walk towards the table, trying to act as if I’m not. I make sure to look around while I’m walking, making sure the Heathers don’t think I’m approaching them. Then as I’m walking next to the table, I turn and look at Heather C.
“Hey, you’re Heather, right?” I ask with purposeful stupidity.
“Huh? Oh! You’re talking to me? Well that’s new Heather, a nobody talking to me!” Heather C. says to Heather M.
“Wow! Quite some nerve on this one” responds Heather M.
“What do you want, dipshit?” Heather C. asks me.
“More” I say with a subtle confidence.
“What the fuck does that mean”.
“You ever wish you could skip class in peace? Ever wish you had a reason to be out of class? Cause’ I can help you with that.” I say to Heather.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Heather retorts.
“Hall passes. I’m talking about hall passes. On an unrelated note, I’m master of forging bullshit. So, I ask again, you ever wish you had a reason to be out of class?” I say to Heather, this time less subtle confidence.
“Ah, I understand. What’s the catch? You want an autograph?” Heather says with a laugh, with the other heathers joining in.
“You let me sit with you. I said I wanted more, and to me, more is being a Heather”.
The other Heathers look at Heather C. with delight, like lions being fed fresh meat.
“Sure. You can sit with us... what’s your name?” Heather C. asks.
“Veronica”
“Alright Veronica, you can sit with us. There are a few conditions though. Heather, tell our friend Veronica the rules”.
“Look sharp, we can’t have somebody dressed like a loser sitting with us.
Act like you own the school, because you do. Act like we know best, because we do.” says Heather D. as if reading from a script.
“Alright, I can do that”
“Good” say all the Heathers in unison.
“Alright, come with us.” says Heather C.
Suddenly, all the Heathers stand up from the lunch table and begin walking towards the washroom. I follow diligently. I think I’m starting my metamorphosis.
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